Monday, July 10, 2006

Home

This week I had to make a very hard decision. As many of you know, I have been dealing with panic attacks for over three weeks now. I have had a few good days in those three weeks, but too many bad ones to count. This week was supposed to be site visit, a week hanging out in and checking out our sites. Friday, during the day, another panic attack hit, a very strong one. I went to the medical office to talk to them about it; they said that if the attacks kept up, I would be able to receive daily drugs to cope with the panic. I am a firm believer in getting to the source of the problem, and felt that drugs were not an option. I came to Bolivia with good intentions. I have a heart full of love, and wanted to spread that love in order to make a difference. In the brief time that I have been here, I have affected many lives just by living by what feels right. Even though I could have affected so many more lives over the next two years, I feel that my mental health is too important to me to risk staying. Instead of taking drugs and continuing under the same stress, I decided my best option was comnig home. I am not ready to start a two year commmitment feeling as low as I do now. It's not fair to the communities or me, and I feel like now is a good time to walk away. I am not sure that people understand the desperation and how real debilitating panic and anxiety can feel..I hope they never have to. All of my friends here have been super supportive, are incredible people, and I will miss them very much. A lot of tears have already been shed just in saying goodbye..and still more will be shed. I look forward to being a support network for them and helping them through their tough times. I want to thank all of you for being so supportive of me of me over the past two months, especially within the past three weeks. My life has been flipped upside down, and I am ready to land back on my feet. I will post at least one more, detailed, update when I feel a little better. I am still pretty fragile right now. This coming Wednesday I will be back in Alabama. Although I am going to need a lot of time adjusting and getting everything back in order in my life, I look forward to seeing everyone, and showing each of you how much you mean to me..how much I care about you. I ask that everyone please be supportive of my decision; it was a hard one to make. Again, I will give a more detailed update in a few days when I get past some of the emotions of leaving/still being here.

2 Comments:

Blogger Andrea Olson said...

hey Mike!

i just stumbled across your blog via facebook, and loved everything that I have read. I think you make a great, mature decision about the Peace Corps. I have a friend right now who wants to go but can't at the moment due to health reasons. I hope your travels back to Alabama are safe, and I wish you the best on your weeks ahead. take care, go tigers:) Andrea Olson

10:31 AM  
Blogger The Griff said...

Mike,

I am sad that things did not work out for you, but it is good that you are going to be OK health-wise. Check your e-mail - I sent you a message. Be safe coming home. -Griff

8:57 PM  

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